In the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's yet another one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.
“No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern...It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.
The Redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Humor Time - True Story
After a car crashed into a bank building in Tarzana, Calif., paramedics rescued the driver, who said he was the only occupant of the vehicle.
The next day, family members asked what happened to his mother.
Officials called the police impound lot where the car was taken and asked tow truck drivers to check the car to see if they found "anything unusual" inside.
Employees looked -- and called 911.
"We discovered the woman inside the vehicle," a police spokesman said.
"She was dead." Rescue personnel had missed Shirley Lee Williams, 72, since she was apparently under the deployed air bag.
The county coroner said Williams died within minutes of the accident, rather than sometime in the night in the impound lot.
(Los Angeles Times)
The next day, family members asked what happened to his mother.
Officials called the police impound lot where the car was taken and asked tow truck drivers to check the car to see if they found "anything unusual" inside.
Employees looked -- and called 911.
"We discovered the woman inside the vehicle," a police spokesman said.
"She was dead." Rescue personnel had missed Shirley Lee Williams, 72, since she was apparently under the deployed air bag.
The county coroner said Williams died within minutes of the accident, rather than sometime in the night in the impound lot.
(Los Angeles Times)
Fun Images For Today
Sergeant Cat - at attention!
Are things moving?
The cat in the window was blinded.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Joke Time: In The Doctor's Office
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the
younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room,
she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry
is 63 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and
you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hic-cups ?
younger doctors. After about four minutes in the examination room,
she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded. "Mrs. Terry
is 63 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and
you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hic-cups ?
Friday, January 25, 2008
Joke - Marriage Encounter Group
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
David leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
David leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
Fun Images For Today
Perhaps they ARE lame, but why advertise it?
I'm not going to say one word - not one - about women drivers.
But I do think whe needs to carry a pair of boots in the car if she's going to drive like this.
See - men drivers can be so much more creative when they crash.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Joke Time: Fourth Marriage
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married -- for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.
"He's a funeral director," she answered.
"Interesting," the newsman thought.
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she'd first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, later on a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
Fun Images For Today
Pals
Dinner time
There must be an explanation, but....
I've never understood the running of the bulls - maybe this is why...
At least he's being honest...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Joke Time: Bad Business
A man owned a small business, and an agent from the state's employment office came for a surprise visit.
"You say there's a problem here?" the boss inquired.
"That's what we hear, sir," the agent said. "You are required by law to cooperate."
"Whatever you boys need is fine with me," said the cooperative man.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the businessman, "there's my foreman who's been with me for nine years. I pay him $1,500 a week."
"Who else?" the agent said.
"And the office gal has been here for three years, and I pay her $450 per week."
"And?" the agent insisted, clearly looking for the businessman to admit something in particular.
"The only other one is the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He only gets about $100 per week, though he gets a bottle of bourbon every payday -- which he has to nurse along for the rest of the month. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to!" says the agent. "The half-wit that you don't even pay minimum wage!"
"Yer talkin' to him," replied the boss.
"You say there's a problem here?" the boss inquired.
"That's what we hear, sir," the agent said. "You are required by law to cooperate."
"Whatever you boys need is fine with me," said the cooperative man.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the businessman, "there's my foreman who's been with me for nine years. I pay him $1,500 a week."
"Who else?" the agent said.
"And the office gal has been here for three years, and I pay her $450 per week."
"And?" the agent insisted, clearly looking for the businessman to admit something in particular.
"The only other one is the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He only gets about $100 per week, though he gets a bottle of bourbon every payday -- which he has to nurse along for the rest of the month. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to!" says the agent. "The half-wit that you don't even pay minimum wage!"
"Yer talkin' to him," replied the boss.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Joke Time - Two Liners...
I think I'm going to divorce my wife," a man said to his friend. "She hasn't spoken to me in more than three months."
"You better think it over," his friend said. "Women like that are hard to find."
--------------------
I have to come clean," a guy said to his girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist."
"No worries," she said. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer, a car salesman and two airline pilots."
--------------------
"Doc, my wife has lost her voice," a man told his physician. "What should I do to help her get it back?"
The doctor thought for a moment and then replied, "Try coming home drunk at three in the morning."
"You better think it over," his friend said. "Women like that are hard to find."
--------------------
I have to come clean," a guy said to his girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist."
"No worries," she said. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer, a car salesman and two airline pilots."
--------------------
"Doc, my wife has lost her voice," a man told his physician. "What should I do to help her get it back?"
The doctor thought for a moment and then replied, "Try coming home drunk at three in the morning."
Fun Images For Today
"Looks like a rough ride, Captain!"
I thought they went in the woods!
Do dogs go to the dentist?
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Joke Time - Can't Hear Well
I'm having problems with my hearing," a man said to his doctor.
"Hmm," said the doctor. "Can you describe the symptoms?"
"Sure," said the man. "Homer is fat and yellow, Marge has big hair...."
"Hmm," said the doctor. "Can you describe the symptoms?"
"Sure," said the man. "Homer is fat and yellow, Marge has big hair...."
Friday, January 18, 2008
Joke Time - Aliens Have Arrived!
Two aliens out in space were looking down on our planet. The first alien said, "It seems the dominant life-forms on Earth have developed satellite-based weapons."
The second alien asked, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
"I don't think so," the first responded. "They have the weapons aimed at themselves."
The second alien asked, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
"I don't think so," the first responded. "They have the weapons aimed at themselves."
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Joke Time: New Wealthy Man
When a man found out his rich father was on his deathbed, he went to a bar, hoping to find a beautiful woman he could begin to spoil. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to a woman who could have passed as a model, "but in just a week or two my father will die and I'll inherit $20 million."
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later she became his stepmother.
Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening.
Three days later she became his stepmother.
Fun Images For Today
Are things moving around?
Egss for a quarter!
It's neat - but why?
The gull-wing limo. I guess it's exciting.
Flying motorcyclist!
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