Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Tommy Smothers teases Johnny
I haven't abandoned this blog - I've just been doing other things. Although it is only April here in the northeast, we've had over two weeks of summer-like weather and I do enjoy being outside. But here's a taste of some humor...
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Joke - Insurance
After Mrs. O'Toole's barn burned down, she called her insurance agent to file a claim.
She told the insurance man, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand bucks, and we need that money immediately!"
"Just a minute there, Mrs. O'Toole," the agent replied. "Insurance doesn't work quite like that."
"What do you mean?!" she said. "The policy here says $50,000!"
"That's a maximum," the insurance man said. "What we do is will ascertain the value of what was insured, and then provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
After a long pause, she replied "That's how insurance works?!"
"Absolutely," the agent said.
"Well then," she said, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband immediately!"
She told the insurance man, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand bucks, and we need that money immediately!"
"Just a minute there, Mrs. O'Toole," the agent replied. "Insurance doesn't work quite like that."
"What do you mean?!" she said. "The policy here says $50,000!"
"That's a maximum," the insurance man said. "What we do is will ascertain the value of what was insured, and then provide you with a new one of comparable worth."
After a long pause, she replied "That's how insurance works?!"
"Absolutely," the agent said.
"Well then," she said, "I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband immediately!"
Monday, March 24, 2008
Speaking of Prince Philip... (Humor)
Prince Philip, who is married to the Queen of England, is a lot like Barbara Bush. They are both so out of touch with non-zillionares that they think of people as a kind of funny farm animal and blithely make fun of them to their faces.
Memorable quotes from Philip:
To a driving instructor in Scotland: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"
To a Nigerian diplomat in traditional Nigerian garb: "You look as if you're ready for bed."
On seeing a fuse box filled with wires, during a visit to an electronics company: "This looks like it was put in by an Indian."
To a chubby 13-year-old boy at a space exploration exhibit, pointing to a space capsule: "You'll have to lose weight if you want to go in that."
To read a bunch more, click here...
Memorable quotes from Philip:
To a driving instructor in Scotland: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"
To a Nigerian diplomat in traditional Nigerian garb: "You look as if you're ready for bed."
On seeing a fuse box filled with wires, during a visit to an electronics company: "This looks like it was put in by an Indian."
To a chubby 13-year-old boy at a space exploration exhibit, pointing to a space capsule: "You'll have to lose weight if you want to go in that."
To read a bunch more, click here...
The Old Philosopher (Video)
When I was a kid, a long time ago, this guy was popular on the radio - this is funny and very nostalgic.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Joke - Golf Shot
Lloyd was teeing off from the back tees. He hit a terrifically hard shot.
Unknown to him, his wife Jean was about to tee off from the red tees and was directly in front of him.
The ball hit Jean in the temple and killed her instantly.
A few days later Lloyd received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy.
"Lloyd, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?"
"Yes sir," Lloyd replied, "that's correct."
"Well, Lloyd, I also found a large bruise on Jean's right hip. Do you know anything about that?"
"Yes sir," Lloyd said, "but it's kind of embarassing."
"I need to know everything before I can make a ruling," the coroner said. "And don't worry: believe me, I've heard everything."
"Well, OK," Lloyd said. "The bruise was from my mulligan."
Unknown to him, his wife Jean was about to tee off from the red tees and was directly in front of him.
The ball hit Jean in the temple and killed her instantly.
A few days later Lloyd received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy.
"Lloyd, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?"
"Yes sir," Lloyd replied, "that's correct."
"Well, Lloyd, I also found a large bruise on Jean's right hip. Do you know anything about that?"
"Yes sir," Lloyd said, "but it's kind of embarassing."
"I need to know everything before I can make a ruling," the coroner said. "And don't worry: believe me, I've heard everything."
"Well, OK," Lloyd said. "The bruise was from my mulligan."
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Joke - How's That Pronounced?
A couple from Texas were taking a cross country drive, taking in sites they couldn't get back home.
While driving through Wisconsin, they were often boggled by the place names, which peaked as they were approaching Oconomowoc.
The couple started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch, where they knew they could settle their bet as to how it was pronounced by asking a local.
When it was their turn the man asked the cute young thing behind the counter, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are -- very slowly?"
"Sure," said the blonde girl. She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrgerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnng."
While driving through Wisconsin, they were often boggled by the place names, which peaked as they were approaching Oconomowoc.
The couple started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch, where they knew they could settle their bet as to how it was pronounced by asking a local.
When it was their turn the man asked the cute young thing behind the counter, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are -- very slowly?"
"Sure," said the blonde girl. She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrgerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnng."
Animated GIF's
Really bad wrestling move...
Pushed down the stairs...
So THAT's how she feels about it...
Chicken joke...
Smackdown...
Pushed down the stairs...
So THAT's how she feels about it...
Chicken joke...
Smackdown...
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