With Tiger Woods’ much-anticipated press conference set for Friday morning, thousands of the golf legend’s mistresses converged on Yankee Stadium to watch the proceedings on the stadium’s giant Jumbotron.
Traffic snarled for miles as the vehicles filled with cocktail waitresses, restaurant hostesses and Playboy models clogged the streets leading to the storied baseball venue.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tiger's mistresses gather for the press conference
Andy Borowitz often posts some funny stuff on his web site and in his emails.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Three silly doctor jokes
"Doctor, you told me I have a month to live and then you sent me a bill for $1,000! I can't pay that before the end of the month!"
"Okay, you have six months to live."
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"Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room."
"Tell him I can't see him now."
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"Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains."
"Come now, pull yourself together."
"Okay, you have six months to live."
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"Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room."
"Tell him I can't see him now."
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"Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains."
"Come now, pull yourself together."
Friday, February 12, 2010
Snow blower guy
Here in the shadow of Lake Ontario, a region well-known for its heavy winter snow falls, we're having a cold, but fairly mild winter in terms of snow. In an area where 200 inches of winer snowfall is not out of the question, I do believe we're well under 100" so far.
The big snow falls have been along the east coast - Wasington D.C., Philadelphia, New York. But we're used to it here and they're not.
Everyone that owns their own home has a snow-blower here (or just about.) Our counties have huge fleets of snowplows with the ability to spread sand or salt. Two feet of snow? If it falls early in the morning when the school busses are running, the kids might get a day off - we build 3 to 5 days into our calendars for snow days. Any other time of the day? We go on with our lives - plows are out and shovels are out - an hour or two after the storm, we're out shopping and going to work.
I saw the following clip on Boing Boing - which got it from the Washington Post and I laughed. It's new to them - normal for us. I usually plow 2 or 3 driveways after each snowfall.
The big snow falls have been along the east coast - Wasington D.C., Philadelphia, New York. But we're used to it here and they're not.
Everyone that owns their own home has a snow-blower here (or just about.) Our counties have huge fleets of snowplows with the ability to spread sand or salt. Two feet of snow? If it falls early in the morning when the school busses are running, the kids might get a day off - we build 3 to 5 days into our calendars for snow days. Any other time of the day? We go on with our lives - plows are out and shovels are out - an hour or two after the storm, we're out shopping and going to work.
I saw the following clip on Boing Boing - which got it from the Washington Post and I laughed. It's new to them - normal for us. I usually plow 2 or 3 driveways after each snowfall.
-He arrives in a cloud of hissing white flakes with an unmistakable whine, leaving a trail of clear pavement in his wake. He accepts no money for his work. He moves so fast and is so bundled up against the cold you might not recognize him -- or even catch his name.
In snow-weary cul-de-sacs and buried hamlets across the region, Snowblower Guy has been the man of the hour, working for days not only to clear his driveway but also to help neighbors. He has cleared sidewalks and even carved out routes in roads still untouched by municipal snowplows. After so many mild winters, Snowblower Guy is finally having his moment.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
At the doctor's office I overheard this conversation...
"I have terrible news, Mr. Larson. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
"Well, Doctor, at least I don't have cancer."
"Well, Doctor, at least I don't have cancer."
The stupids make the news
David Stanifer was at his parents' house in Brevard County, Fla., with two friends when they decided to let a pet rat loose in the garage. "We didn't want her running off too far, so we grabbed some twine and some jingle bells so she didn't get too far," Stanifer told WFTV News, explaining he didn't have any scissors to cut the string, so he tried burning through it with a lighted When the twine caught fire, the rat began running around the garage, setting small fires that got out of hand. Stanifer and friends tried but failed to put out the ensuing blaze before calling firefighters, who estimated the damage at $30,000.
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