Omniscience
The children are lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table is a large pile of apples, with a note that had been added by one of the nuns: Take Only ONE. God Is Watching.
Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table, is a large pile of chocolate chip cookies, and one of the children had added her own note: Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Joke Time
Father O’Malley answers the phone.“Hello, is this Father O’Malley?”“It is”“This is the IRS. Can you help us?”“I can”“Do you know a Ted Houlihan?”“I do”“Is he a member of your congregation?”“He is”“Did he donate $10,000 to the church?”“He will”.
Joke Time
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, “Father, me dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?” Father Patrick replied, “I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.” Muldoon said, “I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?” Father Patrick exclaimed, “Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"
