Joke - Jewish Actor

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has been given a part in the school play.

“Wonderful,” says his mother, “What part is it?”

The boy says “I play the part of the Jewish husband!”

The mother scowls and says: “Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part!”

Joke - Jewish Mom

Two Jewish mothers meet for coffee. "Well Ruthie, how are the kids?"

"To tell you the truth, my Abe has married a slut! She doesn't get out of bed until 10; she's out all day spending his money on God knows what; and when he gets home, exhausted, does she have a nice, hot dinner for him? No! She makes him take her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."

"Oh Ruthie, that's terrible! And Esther?"

"Ah! Esther has married a saint. He brings her breakfast in bed; he gives her enough money to buy all she needs; and in the evening he takes her out to dinner at an expensive restaurant."

Joke Time

A tourist stopped to read the inscription on a monument to the Unknown Soldier in a small town in Israel: HERE LIES SEYMOUR GLASSMAN, ACCOUNTANT.

"Excuse me," the tourist asked a passing local, "but how could the Unknown Soldier have a name?"

"As a soldier Seymour was unknown," the Is­raeli explained, "but as an accountant, he was notorious."

Joke Time

Two bees met in a field. One said to the other; "How are things going?"

"Terrible," the second bee said. "The weather has been cold and there aren't any flowers, so I can't make honey."

"No problem," the first bee said. "Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. There's a bar mitzvah going on, and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit."

"Thanks for the tip," the second bee said.

A few hours later the two bees ran into each other again. The first bee asked, "How'd it go?"

"Great," the second bee said. "It was every­thing you said it would be. There was plenty of fruit and huge floral arrangements on every table."

"What's that thing on your head?" the first bee asked.

The second bee said, "That's my yarmulke. I didn't want them to think I was a wasp.”