What?

Wait, what? Say - that's right - if he takes the bad guys to hell and punishes them, what's so evil about that?

Hell of a joke

A man dies and goes to hell. He is sitting around on a piece of brimstone depressed. The devil walks by and asks him what is wrong.


The man says, "What do you mean what is wrong? I'm dead! I'm in hell! I'm depressed, ok?"


The devil says, "Look we get a lot of bad press down here, things aren't as bad as they appear. Let me ask you, do you like to eat?"


The man says, "Sure, everyone likes to eat."


The devil says, "You are going to love Monday's! Best gourmet food, fast food, anything you want! Eat as much as you want! What's going to happen? Heart attack? You're dead already."


The man says, "Well, that's not so bad."


Then the devil asks him, "Do you like to drink?"


The mans replies, "Well, sure."


The devil says, "You're going to love Tuesday! Best wine, scotch whiskey, bourbon, anything you want! Drink until you pass out, sober up and drink again. What's going to happen? Psoriasis of the liver? Your dead, you're here man!"


Then the devil asks the man, "Do you like to gamble?" the man says, "Well yea, sometimes. "


The devil says, "Wednesdays! You are really going to enjoy Wednesdays! Blackjack, poker, slot machines, anything you want! Bet a million on the horses; lose a million, who cares! You ain't going bankrupt, you dead! You're in hell!"


The man is getting pretty excited by now and says, "Man, this is sounding pretty good!"


The devil than ask, "Do you like to do drugs?" 


The man looks a bit sheepish and says, "Well, sometimes". 


The devil says, "Man, Thursdays are your days! Snort cocaine, shoot up heroine, and smoke a joint the size of a submarine, whatever you want! What's going to happen? You going to overdose and die? You are here already!"


The man is jumping up and down with excitement; "This is like Las Vegas on steroids!" he says!


The devil said, "Yep, told you, we get a lot of bad press down here".


The devil then asks, "Um, are you gay?"


The man says, "Well, no, I'm not".


The devil says, "Oh man, you may hate Fridays".

Jokes - 3 Dillies

How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
---

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
---

How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
She says, “Daddy, I want a new apartment.”

Go To Hell

Joke - Hotter Than Hades

A young man from Tampa dies, and, unfortunately, goes to Hell. As usual, he's assigned to work in the sulfur pits. Lucifer comes by on a tour one day, and he sees the boy whistling and laughing and enjoying himself. Well, Lucifer walks up to the young man and says "Boy, why are you so happy? Aren't you hot enough?"

The young man answers: "Well, it's sure hot down here, but it reminds me of July back in Tampa."

Lucifer thinks about this for a bit, and decides to raise the temperature in the sulfur pits, just to show the boy who's boss.

Well, he comes on by on tour again a few days later, and finds the boy still laughing and whistling and having a grand old time.

So Lucifer goes up to the boy and says "Boy, I turned the heat up -- why are you so happy?"

The young man smiles and says "Well, sir, it is hotter now than it was, but this isn't any different than a warm day in August. It feels just like home."

So Lucifer goes away, and starts to thinking, and then he gets a big grin on his face. (I'd call it a devilish grin, but that's kind of redundant). Lucifer thinks to himself, "Let's see how that Tampa boy likes the cold." So he goes and turns the heat way down in the sulfur pits, so it gets icy cold, and there's snow and ice everywhere and the winds howling and the tortured souls are getting frozen left and right.

He goes and checks on the boy, and the boy is still laughing -- in fact he seems to be laughing even harder than before. "Boy," says Lucifer. "You were happy when it was hot, and now you're happy that it's cold. Why are you so happy?"

The boy answers, with a big grin on his face. "It's a cold day in Hell! The Bucs must be in the Superbowl!"

Joke - He's an Atheist!

A young lady came home from a date very upset. She told her mother that her boyfriend had proposed to her an hour ago. "Then why are you so upset?" asked her mother.

"He also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe that there is a hell."

Her mother told her to marry him anyway: "Between the two of us, we will show him how wrong he is."

Joke Time

While walking down the streeet one day, a senator is tragically hitby a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seemsthere is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down ... down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middleof a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse. Standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him,shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf; and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St.Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time. Before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St.Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but Ithink I would be better off in hell."

So St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down ...back down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here andthere was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar,drank champagne, danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says,"Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."