"As I mature"

Some philosophical rants of an old person - don't pay them much mind.

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Old Friends

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old." Well, if so, you'll love this one.

My name is Alice Amith and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park high school.

"Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered , "In 1959. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat ass, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked, "What did you teach?"

Joke - Old Sisters

Three old sisters--92, 94, and 96 years old all lived together. One day the oldest drew a bath. She put one foot in the water, paused, and then called downstairs to her sisters, "Am I getting in the tub or out of the tub?"

The middle sister started up the stairs to help, then paused and called back downstairs, "Was I going up or coming down?"

The third sister said, "I guess I’ll have to help. I hope I never get that forgetful!" and knocked on wood.

She got up then, paused, and called, "I’ll come up as soon as I see who’s at the door!"

Joke - What Have You Got?

Lyndon, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Lyndon suggests they go in.

Lyndon addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Lyndon: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Lyndon: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Lyndon: "Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Lyndon: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Of course."

Lyndon: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Lyndon: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Lyndon: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"

Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

Lyndon: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

Joke Time

The roommate wanted to know how the blind date had gone. "Terrible!" was the answer. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce!"

"Wow! That is a very expensive car. What is so bad about that?""He was the original owner!"