Quickie...

Here's today's quickie...

Why do nice guys make great lovers?
Because they always finish last.

Still, in defense of my quickies, a quickie now and again is good for the soul.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough­boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

I hope you found this to be of the utmost pleasure.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

What do politicians and diapers have in com­mon?
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

I know, same old, same old - but I hope it was still good for you.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Caroline was pregnant, and with her usual sense of humor left this note of resig­nation for her boss: DEAR MR. RICHARDS, I'M AFRAID I'M GETTING TOO BIG FOR THIS JOB.

I hope you enjoyed it too.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

"In the winter, my big problem is moti­vation," said one father to another. "For instance, how to get 72 inches of son to shovel four inches of snow."

I hope it was good for you too!

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Pedro says: "Seven days without food makes one weak."

Wait - that WAS pretty fast. How about one more?

Ray: What did Cinderella say to the photographer?
Kay: "Someday my prints will come."

Ahhh - much better.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Toe - a part of the foot used to find furniture in the dark.

 Wait - what? That was too fast for you? Let's do it again - a little slower this time.

Teacher: Billy, I understand you like magic. What's your favorite trick?
Billy: Sawing people in half.
Teacher: Interesting! And are there any other children in your family?
Billy: Yes, ma'am.,I have two half brothers and two half sisters

 Ahhh - that's better - much better.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Why is natural breast milk better than formula? Because it comes in much nicer containers.

I hope it was good for you as well.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Doctor: I have bad news and even worse news. The bad news is you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: Yeow! Twenty-four hours to live! What worse news could you have?
Doctor: I, uh, should've told you the bad news yesterday.

I hope it was good for you too.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Mountain guide to tourist group: "Be very careful, folks. This is the most dangerous place on the tour. But if you do fall, remember to look to your left. You'll never see a view like that again in your life."

I hope it was good for you too.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Scott: Knock, knock.
Dot: Who's there?
Scott: Zombies.
Dot: Zombies, who?
Scott: Zombies make honey, zombies don't.

I hope it was good for you too.

Quickie

Here are today's quickies...

A book never written: "Elegant Light Fixtures" by Shanda Leer.
A book never written: "How to Feel Bet­ter" by Dr. Iva Payne.
A book never written: "Dieting" by Hugh Mongus.
A book never written: "How to Avoid Work" by Hans Doolittle.
A book never written: "How to be a Lumberjack" by Tim Burr.

Okay, maybe not so good for you today. I promise I'll do better tomorrow.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Tom Swiftie: "Oh, great! I've got a his­tory final tomorrow," Tom said testily
Tom Swiftie: "I feel like I've been hit by an elephant," Tom said flatly

Okay, maybe not so great for you today. They can't all be winners.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...


Ned: Did you hear about the kidnapping down the street?
Ted: No, what happened?
Ned: His mother woke him up.

Oh dear. That left you unsatisfied? Let's try again.

Bobby: Hey, Tommy. What's the best material for kites?
Tommy: I don't know.
Bobby: Flypaper!

I hope that did it for you.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Engraving on a tombstone:

Here lies KERMIT SMOOT
He almost learned to parachute.

I hope it was good for you too.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Father: The only way to learn something is to start at the bottom.
Son: But, Dad, I want to learn to swim!

Wait - what? Not enough? Okay - more more time.

Tom Swiftie: "I suppose you like lemon with your tea," Tom said sourly.

That's all I've got for now.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Salesman: This calculator will do half your homework for you.
Pee Wee: Good. I'll take two.

I know, I know - some days the quickies are better than others.  Let's try again...

Dimm: Ouch! This lineament makes my arm smart.
Witt: Why don't you put some on your head?

I hope that was better for you.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Father: Son, why are you getting such poor grades in history?
Son: It's not my fault. The teacher keeps asking me about things that happened before I was born.

I hope it was good for you as well.

Swiftie

Here's today's rather prolonged quickie...

Back about a century ago, a series of boy's science fiction books featured Tom Swift and it became a very popular series. Featured in some of the books were some silly little puns based on quotation descriptions - these became known as Tom Swifites.

Tom Swiftie: "I'll never pet another lion," Tom said offhandedly.
"I'm going to blow up that bridge!" Tom exploded.

You get the idea. I hope you enjoyed this little lesson.

Quickie

Here's today's quickie...

Don: What kind of bird is that?
Tom: That's a gulp.
Don: I've never heard of such a bird.
Tom: Well, it's like a swallow, only bigger

I hope it was good for you too.