Kindness is a two-way street.

This is good.

It's been a long damn time, but I remember that feeling quite well.

Teachers they never forgot

Warning: Adult content.



First seen on Miss Cellania

Just Learning To Write

From Chuck's Fun Page 2

Not So Nice

The Ten Worst Comments To Get On Your Tests

10. See me after class.

9. Didn't you ever buy the book?

8. It's a C -- but it's a strong C.

7. Fascinatingly convoluted.

6. My, what nice, big margins!

5. You must've been up all last night.

4. You should probably know the book ends differently than the movie.

3. Spelling requires more than just sounding it out.

2. Are you familiar with the term "plagiarism"?

1. Please tell your dad to try harder.

Humor - Survivor: School

Next Season on Survivor

Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?

Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 28 - 32 students.

Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways.

In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month.

They must attend workshops, faculty meetings,and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the Terra Nova and PSSA tests. If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.

The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class.

If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.

The winner of this season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job.

Joke - Drawing

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,"They will in a minute."

Joke - Blood Rushes

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

Jokes - 2 dillies

What's the difference between a teacher and a pigeon?

A pigeon can make deposits on a new Mercedes.

--------------

There's a new name for an old career-saving method among corporate underlings - the Hindlick maneuver.

Humor Time

You Know You're A Teacher If...

You must get 70 percent to pass:

1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
3. You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to work from 8:00 to 3:20 and have summers free."
4. You believe chocolate is a food group.
5. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
6. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card.
7. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
8. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
9. You have no life between August and June.
10. When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.
11. You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
12. You wonder how some parents ever figured out how to reproduce.
13. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
14. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years.
15. You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would "never dream" of doing your job.
16. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
17. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says, "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun."
18. You want to choke a person when he or she says, "Oh, you must have such fun every day. This must be like playtime for you."
19. Meeting a child's parent(s) instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"
20. Your boss tells you of a great new policy she's adopted called "Zero Tolerance"

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