Keeping history straight...

Have You Heard About Songsmith?

I'm not a musician, so my opinion probably isn't worth the pixels it's printed in, but I think this looks dumb.

Bill Gates Last Day On The Job

Cartoon Fun

Microsoft Error Messages

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Microsoft Error Message

Microsoft Error Message

The Chin and Microsoft Error Warning

Microsoft Sales Parody - video

Microsoft Error

Microsoft Warns You

Microsoft Error Message

Microsoft Intrusion

Jokes - 3 Dillies

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalog.
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How many Microsoft employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We'll just declare darkness the new standard.
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What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
I am ewe.

Microsoft Helper

That's How It Works

Overloaded MS Word

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Joke - No Email

An unemployed man went to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test. After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed as a janitor at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day."

Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the MS manager replies, "Well, then, that means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed by Microsoft."

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10.00 in his wallet, he buys a 25 LB. flat of tomatoes at the supermarket and in less than two hours, he sell all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit.

Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100.00 before going to sleep that night. It dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes.

Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly. After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pickup truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pickup trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned. "What, you don't have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the internet, e-mail and e-commerce ? Just imagine where you could be now if you had been connected to the internet from the very start!"

"Well," replied the tomato millionaire, "I would be a janitor at Microsoft!"

By definition, a fable must have a moral. This one has four:

1. The internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.

2. If you don't have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.

3. Since you got this story on the internet, you may be closer to becoming a janitor than you are to becoming a millionaire.

4. If you do have a computer and e-mail, you have already been taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.

Joke Time

Shortly after Bill Gates was killed in a freak ac­cident, he found himself being sized up by Saint Peter.

"Bill, this is a tough call. You've made great technological advancements with Microsoft, but you've also given us Windows 95. I think I'm going to let you choose between heaven and hell."

"That sounds fair," Gates replied. "Can I have a look at hell first?"

Saint Peter showed his guest a wonderland of sunny beaches, beautiful women, sumptu­ous food and an ideal climate. "If this is hell," Gates exclaimed, "I want to see heaven."

Saint Peter led the way through billowy clouds filled with angels playing golden harps. "Hmm," Gates pondered. "This is nice, but I think I prefer hell."

Two weeks later, Saint Peter went to hell to check on the billionaire. He found him shack­led to a wall, surrounded by shooting flames and tormenting demons. "Saint Peter!" Gates cried. "This is awful! This is nothing like the hell I visited. What happened to that other place, the one with the beaches, the beautiful women and the delicious food?"

"Oh, that," Saint Peter replied. "That was just a demo."