Farmers are in the best jokes

A man who moved out from the city is plowing his field and gets his tractor stuck in the wet ground.

A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence to call over the city feller. “You need a mule to plow such wet ground,” he says.

“Where can I buy one?” he is asked.

“Well, I just happened to have one for 100 dollars,” the farmer says.

“I’ll take him,” says the other man as he counts out the money.

“I can’t bring him over today. I don’t work on Sunday. Tomorrow OK?”

“Sure.”

The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out. He says, “Sorry, bad news. I went out after breakfast and the mule was dead.”

The city feller says just give me my money back then.

“Can’t, spent it already!”

“Well… unload the mule then.”

“What ya gonna do with him?”

“Raffle him off!”

“Naw, ya cant raffle off a dead mule!”

“Just watch me us! City fellers know a few tricks.”

One month goes by and the city feller and farmer run into each other at the barber shop.

“What did ya do with that dead mule?”

“Raffled him off, sold 100 tickets at two dollars each and made 198 dollars profit.”

“Didn’t anyone complain?”

“Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!”

Have You Ever?

An old prospector walked his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months with nary a drop of whiskey.

He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his mule to the rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

The prospector looked up at him and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now,' and he started shooting at the old man's feet. The prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. After the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old prospector reached over to the mule, drew out his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a loud clicking sound. Somehow everything got very quiet.

The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around and looked down the barrels of the shotgun.

The old man said to the gunslinger, 'Tell me, son. Have you ever kissed a mule's ass?'

Lovin' That Mule - Joke

An old East Texas farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning 'til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began harassing him again. Complain, complain; nag, nag -- it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked.

"Well," the farmer answered. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."

Poor Mule - Overloaded - Video