Tolerating senior citizens - 15 photos

Time for a bad joke...

A husband and wife in their sunset years had been married 60 years and were talking in loving terms about their anniversary. The husband told the wife: "Thelma, I have always wanted to know what you keep in that old hope chest of yours in the attic. Can I take a peek inside?"

"I guess we've been married long enough Sam, what can it matter? Let's go up and you may have a look."

They both make their way to the attic. The husband takes the key from his wife of all those years and opens the lid. Inside the chest is $9,915.00 in cash and three ears of corn. "Why three ears of corn? What does that signify for you?" asks Sam.

"Well, i suppose it was long ago, so here is the truth: every time I was unfaithful in our marriage and slept with another man, I put away an ear of corn" replied Thelma.

The husband is shocked: but after some reflection he thinks... 60 years of a great marriage to a wonderful woman, three ears of corn from long ago, I have no reason for complaint. "Well, it is all OK Thelma, all is forgiven. You've been an otherwise good wife for many years, and I will treasure that forever, " Sam replied. After a little while he added: "Just out of curiosity, there is almost $10,000 here, where on earth did you get it?"

Thelma blushed slightly, then responded: "Well, every time I had a bushel, I sold it."

Making fun of being a senior citizen - 12 images

Old ladies watching hooker.

Bumper stickers for old farts

Some funny bumper stickers for the geriatric set.

Joke time

A man was having dinner at a friend's home when he noticed that his friend preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms like honey, darling, sweetheart and pumpkin. The man was impressed by his friend's effusive displays of affection because he knew the couple had been married more than 50 years. 

When the wife went into the kitchen to get coffee, the man told his friend, "I think it's wonderful that after all these years you still call your wife by such sweet names."

"The truth is," the friend replied, "I forgot her name 10 years ago."

Joke Time

Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers who can remember doing the “Limbo” as if it were yesterday 

 They include:

Bobby Darin —  Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ A Flash

Herman’s Hermits ==  Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker

Ringo Starr —  I Get By With A Little Help From My Depends

The Bee Gees —  How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?

Roberta Flack —  The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

Johnny Nash —  I Can’t See Clearly Now

Paul Simon —  Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver

The Commodores —  Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom

Procol Harem —  A Whiter Shade Of Hair

Leo Sayer —  You Make Me Feel Like Napping

The Temptations —  Papa’s Got A Kidney Stone

Tony Orlando —  Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall

Helen Reddy —  I Am Woman; Hear Me Snore

Abba — Denture Queen

Leslie Gore — It’s My Procedure,and I’ll Cry If I Want To

Willie Nelson — On the Commode Again

Senior Moments

Seniors - Joke

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft accent asked 'What are you sellin' here?'

One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling assholes.'

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, 'You're doing well, only two left.'

Seniors - God bless them - BUT don't mess with them.

Is This True?

Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida newspapers: (Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation . If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar . If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea , valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Bumper Stickers for Seniors